Wonderful
If you say the “A” in LGBTQIA+ is for “Ally” I will personally paint the word “Asexual” on a baseball bat and beat you with it.
What the hell is LGBTQIA+?
What the fuck is this acronym?
What has this become?
I vote for a name that doesn’t require an entire breath to get through.
Let’s just pick one letter. Y. The Y community. As in, Y don’t we have our fucking rights yet.
I like it!
And on the seventh day, he took a motrin and laid down
God: Gabe, stop, I'm working.
Gabriel: I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING TOOOOOOO!
God: Here's a box of parts, go nuts.
God: -several hours later- Gabe? Where are you, my son?
Gabriel: DAD, LOOKIT!
God: Dafuq is that?
Gabriel: A PLATYPUS!
Remember that time when this happened?
being a cutie pie, it was inwented in Russia
Anton, you couldn’t possibly be any cuter.
Are you fucking kidding me right now
This is possibly the craziest Omegle Chat I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing
You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Stranger 1 sells a lamp to Stranger 2
Stranger 2: hello sir
Stranger 1: Hey sorry
Stranger 1: i don't want to buy it
Stranger 2: ahh but hve you seen its features?
Stranger 1: no...
Stranger 1: but..
Stranger 2: well let me show you
Stranger 1: selling over the internet is dangerous..
Stranger 1: esp. if you don't know the person
Stranger 2: it has many different light modes
Stranger 2: disco, strobe, bright, dim..
Stranger 1: everything looks cool but..
Stranger 2: and!
Stranger 2: we just instituted a special promotion!
Stranger 1: ok
Stranger 2: everyone who buys this lamp gets a free puppy
Stranger 1: I'm allergic to puppies
Stranger 1: ...
Stranger 2: and for everyone who looks at it but wont buy it, we kill one!
Stranger 2: now, this lamp can be yours for just three low payments of 12.95
Stranger 1: that's fucking expensive
Stranger 1: I just bought one from another stranger for only $4
Stranger 2: but wait, we'll throw in a second lamp absolutely free
Stranger 1: this is a ripoff
Stranger 1: the other stranger had the same features
Stranger 2: and, you get our patented oxyshamslapnutter!
Stranger 1: Why would I buy yours? When it's more expensive
Stranger 1: I have that already.. christmass gift
Stranger 2: a 99 dollar value, absolutely free!
Stranger 1: Why would I need 2
Stranger 2: (in store credit available for trade in)
Stranger 1: Nah, I don't go to the store
Stranger 2: di i mention this lamp is coated in real diamonds?
Stranger 1: I have no legs
Stranger 1: no you did not1
Stranger 2: well, let me tell you, this diamond coating will ensure tha nothing ever sticks to your lamp
Stranger 1: ooh.. ok
Stranger 2: eggs? no problem! sauces? not a chance!
Stranger 1: yeah.. I have a big problem
Stranger 2: with one quick wipe you lamp is clean and ready for the next meal
Stranger 1: with eggs sticking on my lamps
Stranger 1: I have a strange fetish
Stranger 2: if you are tired of chipping eggs out of your old lamp, you need our diamond finish super lamp today!
Stranger 1: but it's still a little expensive
Stranger 1: I mean diamonds yeah.. but it's a lamp..
Stranger 2: oh and did i mention this lamp burns three times the calories compared to regular lamps?
Stranger 1: How is that even possible?
Stranger 2: this lamp incorporates vertical light as well as horizontal light which has been proven to burn way more calories
Stranger 1: wooo. you just impressed me with those tech bullshit that has no scientific proof
Stranger 2: just spend 20 minutes three times a week and have that sexy stomach in no time
Stranger 1: Do you wanna say that I don't have a sexy stomach ?
Stranger 2: tired of spending time and money on expensive gym memberships?
Stranger 2: this lamp will get results, guarenteed!
Stranger 2: toned legs, flat stomach, and rock hard abs after just a few weeks!
Stranger 1: WOW
Stranger 1: impossible
Stranger 1: but how ?
Stranger 2: DIAMONDS!!!!
Stranger 1: aaaah
Stranger 1: ok what is the price again
Stranger 2: three low payments of just 12.95
Stranger 1: ahm... why not only 1 payment
Stranger 2: but hurry, this offer is too good to last forever
Stranger 1: of 25.00
Stranger 1: I am not a rich guy
Stranger 1: But I need this lamp
Stranger 1: If I buy it, I wouldn't eat for 3 days
Stranger 2: call with the code "chump" to receive special pricing of just 25.00!
Stranger 1: what's the number
Stranger 2: 1-800-OUR-DOSH
Stranger 1: free shipping ?
Stranger 1: I live in the arctic...
Stranger 2: for a limited time yes! call now!
Stranger 1: I am..
Stranger 1: *beep*
Stranger 1: *beep*
.
Stranger 1: *beep*
Stranger 1: *beep*
Stranger 1: humpf.. no one is answering...
Stranger 1: *beep*
Stranger 2: HELLO!!!!!
Stranger 1: yes, hello
Stranger 2: THANK YOU FOR CALLING LAMPS INC
Stranger 1: I wanted to buy that lamp
Stranger 1: with the diamonds
Stranger 1: my code is chump
Stranger 2: AHH A FINE CHOICE SIR
Stranger 2: YES YES THE CODE
Stranger 2: NOW IF I COULD HAVE YOUR ADDRESS, SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER, DATE OF BIRTH, AND SOUL OF YOUR FIRSTBORN...
Stranger 1: yes.. so the guy told me it's gonna cost 10$ with the code..
Stranger 1: I live in the arctic. Santa Claus inc.
Stranger 1: security number.. i don't have any
Stranger 1: date of birth. 01.01.0000
Stranger 1: I already delivered the soul
Stranger 2: VERY GOOD SIR, VERY GOOD
Stranger 2: NOW ABOUT PRICING, OUR SALES STAFF HAS BEEN KNOWN TO GET ...ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT THIS PRODUCT
Stranger 1: now?
Stranger 2: IM SURE YOU UNDERSTAND
Stranger 1: What.IS.THE.PRICE!
Stranger 2: BUT WE HERE AT SATAN CORP, HAHA I MEAN LAMPS INC WILL HONOR WHATEVER PRICE THEY SET
Stranger 2: $10 IT IS!
Stranger 1: he told me it's gonna cost
Stranger 1: 3$
Stranger 1: 1$ if I use the code
Stranger 2: NOT A PROBLEM! PLEASE SEND US YOUR BILLING INFO ASAP!
Stranger 1: 01010455435-666
Stranger 2: THANK YOU! YOUR LAMP WILL SHIP IN 3-8 WEEKS
Stranger 1: that long ?!
Stranger 2: HAVE A SWELL DAY!
Stranger 1: I can't wait! I need it NAO
Stranger 2: *CLICK*
Stranger 1: can you do something?
Stranger 1: express
Stranger 1: NOOo
Stranger 1: www.lampsinc.org
Stranger 1: error 404
Stranger 1: wtf..
Stranger 1: ok wait.
Stranger 1: www.satan.edu/lamps
Stranger 1: customer service
Stranger 1: HELLO CUSTOMER SERVICE.. I want the lamp nao...
Stranger 1: I need it
Stranger 2: >hello, my name is belz
Stranger 1: can you send it by express
Stranger 2: >what can i assist you with today?
Stranger 1: I ordered a lamp
Stranger 1: and they said it's gonna arrive in 8 weeks
Stranger 1: But i need it asap
Stranger 2: >oh im sorry sir, its a consequence of our amazing low prices
Stranger 1: but I delivered like 3 souls already
Stranger 1: we are out of elves...
Stranger 2: >if we shipped quickly we would have to charge more
Stranger 1: 3 souls..
Stranger 1: I can get santa's soul.. but I;m not sure
Stranger 1: I think santa is satan..
Stranger 2: >trivial to the boss im afraid
Stranger 1: I can't get satan
Stranger 2: >i can send a request for expedited processing but you might have to sell your own soul for that
Stranger 2: >would you like to submit one?
Stranger 1: mine? I am a worthless elf..
Stranger 1: who would need my soul
Stranger 2: >i dont set policy sir
Stranger 1: can I speak to your supervisor please
Stranger 2: >of course sir. one moment please
Stranger 1: Ok, make it quick
Stranger 2: >this is lucy, is there a problem i can help you with today sir?
Stranger 1: Hello lucy
Stranger 1: I am expecting a lamp
Stranger 1: but your employers said they are going to send it in 8 weeks
Stranger 1: I can't wait that much.
Stranger 1: I need it asap. I am ready to deliver 3 elf souls
Stranger 2: >ahh and would one of those be your own soul sir?
Stranger 1: No, I;m sorry
Stranger 1: I'm a worthless elf.. who would need mine ?
Stranger 1: I donate the soul of my boss, my neighbor and my sons
Stranger 2: >you might be surprised sir
Stranger 2: >well with the situation as it is, i can try to get things moving more quickly for you sir
Stranger 1: how "quickly" are we speaking ?
Stranger 2: >we will need those souls before we can start the process though
Stranger 1: I can only send you 1 soul
Stranger 1: the other 2 will be sent when the package arrives
Stranger 1: I will deposit them in the soul bank
Stranger 2: >well if you would be willing to offer your own soul we could get it there in about 10 seconds
Stranger 1: and if you don't give me I get back, If you give me the lamp you can withdraw them
Stranger 1: Like I said, I need my soul.
Stranger 2: >im sorry sir, we have a strict payment policy. all souls must be paid up front to accelerate shipping
Stranger 1: Uhmm. ok stacy
Stranger 1: who is your supervisor ?
Stranger 2: >tht would be Mr. Alistair, head of public relations
Stranger 1: ok, can I speak to him, please ?
Stranger 2: >im sorry sir, Mr. Alistair is currently on vacation at the "7th Level" resort-casino. I am as high as you can go
Stranger 1: mmm
Stranger 1: Who else can I speak to ?
Stranger 2: >if you can only offer one soul right now we could cut the shipping time down to one week
Stranger 1: Who else can I speak to Jenifer ?
Stranger 2: >its Lucy sir. I'm afraid you wont get a different answer from anyone here. I manage the whole online customer service division
Stranger 1: Ok miss Alicia. Can I speak to Satan ?
Stranger 1: I don't think he celebrates the birth of christ
Stranger 2: >....Mr. L-Lucifer
Stranger 2: >I...I don't...
Stranger 1: Yeah, I would like to speak to him
Stranger 2: >I'm afraid that is not possible. good day sir
Stranger 1: Wait
Stranger 1: Why not ?
Stranger 1: google.com
Stranger 1: satans number
Stranger 1: 555-666-666
Stranger 1: *beep*
Stranger 2: GO FOR SATAN!
Stranger 1: Hello, Is this mister Lucifer?
Stranger 2: YEAH WHAT UP?!
Stranger 1: Hey
Stranger 1: I have a complaint about your company
Stranger 1: and also a request
Stranger 2: HIT ME WITH IT DOG, IM ALL EARS BABY
Stranger 1: Your employees "Lilly" and "stacy" are not helpful at all..
Stranger 1: So this is meshizzlle
Stranger 1: wanting to buy a fucking lamp-izzle
Stranger 1: but the biatch says, no you get it in 8 ffreaking weeks
Stranger 1: I say, NO, I want it now. I deliver 3 souls and I get it right away. Is that possible
Stranger 1: and before you ask, no I wont send my soul
Stranger 2: WHAT?!?!?!
Stranger 1: I want my lamp, NAO
Stranger 2: OK!!!!
Stranger 2: YEEAAAHHH11111
Stranger 2: NO BUT FOR REAL ILL GET THAT SHIT IN THE MAIL TODAY
Stranger 1: THIS IS FBI!
Stranger 1: WE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU LITTLE BASTARD
Stranger 1: THE PLACE IS FULL WITH COPS
Stranger 1: WE GOT YOUR IP
Stranger 2: BUT DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT THAT HOE LUCY
Stranger 1: AND YOUR LOCATION
Stranger 1: Mister satan
Stranger 2: SHE GOT DAT ASS
Stranger 1: I arrest you
Stranger 2: 420 BLAZE IT FAGGOT
Stranger 1: Everything you say can and will in a court of law
Stranger 2: I PLEAD THE FIFTH!!!!!
Stranger 1: Not this time!
Stranger 1: Over 411 cobra over
Stranger 1: we got him
Stranger 1: Everything is recored
Stranger 1: all exits are blocked
Stranger 1: You ain't escaping this time..
Stranger 2: YOULL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!
Stranger 1: Hold him
Stranger 2: *bang*
Stranger 1: over
Stranger 1: we need an ambulance
Stranger 1: over
Stranger 1: NOOOOOO!!!
Stranger 1: Everytime satan dies the place of hell changed
Stranger 1: changes
Stranger 1: DAMNNn
Stranger 2: *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*
Stranger 2 has disconnected
